I have been dead to the world for the past two days, thanks to some alien flu bug that took over my body. I’m still fighting it off, but I feel far more human today than I have in the last 48 hours. is 48 hours two days? yes it is. right? no. wait, yes it is. my brain is all mushy and not making much sense of anything. I’m fucked up on cold meds, and caffeine (because honestly, I...
My face is leaking.
I hate allergy season. My eyes itch, my throat is all scratchy, and my face is leaking. I desperately need sleep. Last night, dear little Pablo ate a tube of lip stain, and got pretty sick. I freaked out, but he’s fine, although he looks like he’s been feeding on a wildebeest. I want to go home and crawl into bed. I don’t feel good. Someone make me soup? And wrap me up in a...
today, I lost it.
it’s rare, but it happens. this morning as I walked down to my car, puppy in tow, hands full of phone, coffee, and an apple, I noticed a large utility truck blocking the alley. I quickly glanced over my shoulder to see if I could get out in the opposite direction, but the construction crew for my neighbor’s new expansion has completely taken over that end of the alley. I saw the...
it all evens out somewhere.
I’m in a shitty mood: I was woken up by a big spider on my face. somewhere in my office building, someone is cooking something gross. the stench has wafted it’s way into the central building ducts, and now my office smells like curry vagina. yesterday I embarrassed myself by saying things that I wish I’d kept to myself. I don’t want to lose my friendship over something...
Patton Oswalt reviews Every Time I Die →
Maybe it was Keith Buckley’s repeated howling of, “I want to be dead with my friends”, which is what I say before I eat pancakes. can we get patton oswalt to review everything from now on?